Bit long I am afraid, but it’s always made me laf

Somehow some friends and I had managed to get invited to a vague acquaintance's house warming party. Having been viewed with suspicion for the evening, being virtual strangers to everyone else at the party, things were not exactly going swimmingly. Anyway, all of a sudden one of my mates runs into the front room and announces that its time we were going. Presuming that he was as bored as the rest of us, we followed. It was only on the walk home that the truth came out. My mate had gone to the newly decorated bathroom for a peaceful shit. About half way through someone had knocked on the door. As he got up and flushed he realised that the turd he had produced was massive and particularly buoyant. After a couple more flushes and more frantic knocking at the door he decided more drastic action was required. Spotting a loo brush he decided it would be a good idea to push the offending turd down the u-bend with it. After a good rummage he looked down to find that, success, the beast had gone. But then, to his horror he realised it had not flushed, but was stuck to the loo brush. Not to worry, one flick of the wrist would send it back into the bowl. Unfortunately, the faeces were removed on the backstroke of the flick and were splashed across the wall. Now with mad door rattling and knocking coming from outside, my mate set about ‘removing the evidence.’ Unluckily there was only a brand new set of white towels to do it with. After another ten minutes smearing excreta around the walls, in the sink and around the toilet bowl he decided to give up. Opening the door to a desperate looking girl he announced in a moment of bizarre excuse making, “there were some scallys in here but I chased them off.” This was the moment he came running into the front room. He has never lived it down.